Silent wish
by Tyka's Flower
Summary: It's Christmas; friends and families are together on this eve. Still, not everyone. Kai is living alone in his big mansion, reserved from the world, until his 'only wish' knocks on his door... /Kai and Takao friendship/  One-shot fic


**Author: I've rewritten this story (formerly: "Unspoken wish") 'cause it had lot of mistakes, and I put in some new things. I hope you guys will like it. ;)**

* * *

**Silent wish**

(one-shot)

* * *

I never cared what people thought or said, neither what they did; I was very well on my own. I don't need no one, never did. I always managed to reach my goals in my life, and I didn't need help... Well, sometimes I did; my friends helped me when I was down, caught me when I fell. Yeah, I admit they were always by my side whenever I needed them, even if I'd never showed - I said _I can do it alone_ – still, they helped me. They were the only ones, who I let near me, but _he_ was the closest one to me. He still is.

_'I miss you.'_

Why, I don't know. Perhaps, because he was so kind to me always, and saw through on me, which you can't guess how much it annoyed me all the time. Yeah, the memories are still living inside me when we've first met. We weren't the best pals incipiently, we could more say we fought like cats and dogs. That constantly babbling mouth of _him_ drove me nuts, and he stuck to me like a leech what after that you couldn't shake off anymore. Even so, he was something special. If not sooner but later I realized it and after that our relationship had somehow interwoven. We understood each others feelings and thoughts ( if I can say that), and growing up we got less times on each other's nerves. Though those tiny teasing moments are still there, which I admit I would miss if those weren't.

_'I miss you.'_

But one day even those times flew away. We couldn't stay always kids, we all had our own ways which we had to start on, and I knew that it's not sure that we always reach the end together. I knew that, and that's why I never wanted to have someone, or anyone, who could mean something for me. I was all alone in my entire life, if I discount my so called grandfather, who almost managed to make me become a destructive machine... Half he managed. In the world's eyes I was the _ice prince_, who was cold and had a heart of steel. Maybe they were right.

However, he never let me to ever believe it myself, too, he was willing desperately to prove the contrary. He never lied to me, but said the truth always, whatever it was: _'You may be cold, and you may have a heart of steel, but behind the steel there is a warm heart it's beating, locked.' _ Was it really true? If it was, I didn't know if I should let it mean something to me. _'You aren't anything like him, and you never will.' _But he'd never known my grandfather, that monster whose fault was I'd lost my parents and had ended up to become who I am now. Some memories and wounds will never heal... and I think I'm still destroying, but myself. Something inside is eating up me, but I don't care, one day it will go away, maybe. I'll manage it. I always did.

_'I miss you.'_

Standing in my king-large room, I looked out the double window. I watched as the white snow feathered quietly in this grey, cloudy day. In the distance, on the streets people were walking in long coats, and in many hands they were carrying packages as they were on the way home from shopping.

I've grown up, and now I see contrariwise this world. I still can't stand the crowd, and I more like being alone, but I accept my world, and I accept the society which I live in. This is my home, where I have to live. I'm lonely, but I'm a man. I can't change what I am, or who I was back then, I just want a place on this world, where I can live, in peace. Just leave me be, and maybe once I'll be reconciled to the society which had hurt me. I might never can trust nobody again, only _him._ I'm mistrustful with people, but maybe one day this will go away, too. The future is unpredictable.

_'I miss you.'_

I hate it. I would never admit it loud and I can barely to myself, but it's always there. I can't stop what's in my mind, and what my heart wishes. It's bad. I shouldn't feel like this, it would only make me **feel** again, feel the lack of _him_, my only best friend. I promised myself to never let anything take me down ever again, and I want to keep that promise. Still, day after day it becomes harder and harder. Why? I'm lonely, I don't need nobody, I'm very well on my own. I knew that he would leave one day, after all we couldn't always blade and be the Bladebreakers. New genarations always came, and we had to let them prevail, too.

Max went back to America to his Mom, which didn't suprise me at all, neither when Rei went back to China. Still, we kept the contact; the last letter which had come from Max were lying on my desk, unopened. I think I'll write him that he better use e-mail, 'cause it starts to become hard for me to solve his scratchy writing, which surprises me a little because I could more imagine such handwriting at Rei. Still, what dumbfounded me more when our little childish Takao had also grown up. Yeah, he was travelling now somewhere with his father, it seems he still stepped into his families beaten track. No wonder, I knew he had more in himself what he always showed. However, I never said it, 'cause I didn't want it to go to his head, I wanted him to realize himself. I'm glad he did, and I'm proud of him.

_'I miss you.'_

The only thing that left, that finally I decided to stay here in Japan, and moved into my inherited mansion from my grandfather, and now I could arrange my own life, as I always wanted. Living in peace in my own little life and after a long time for the first time I don't have to worry about anything. I'm not afraid of tomorrow anymore, I know that everything will be alright. Everything **is **alright, I tried to tell myself. Nothing bad can happen anymore, because _he's_ here with me, even if he's in another country, far away. I'll be here, I won't leave ever again. I told him that, and I'll wait for him to come home.

A little snow stuck onto my window, and I watched with wonder how much it looked like a little star, but then the little form melted on the glass, and slowly flowed down. Something flowed painfully onto my heart, too. _'I miss you, so much.'_ What is this feeling inside me? I remember I've felt it once.

In my doorway appeared Kio, my tabby cat. Her calling meow snapped me out of my thoughts, and I smiled nicely at her, as I did only to her, never to anyone else. I walked towards my door, where she so suddenly disappeared, and out. She was my only company and also as a little friend for me, who was stick to me since I'd found her on the street and took her home. She kind of reminded me of Takao. She loved her stomach and liked to know where I was in the house, or if I went to somewhere when I got back she was always sitting on the front door and waited for me... She waited for me, just as do I. I'm waiting for _**you**_ to come back.

As I walked through the long corridor, on the classical purple wall under the subdued light some old paintings' portrait lightened, and my steps echoed thud on the velvety carpet. My grandfather had a very peculiar taste regarding the family traditions; sumptuous and darksome. Living alone in such a big house was way too quiet and way too big for one person. Something was missing. The mansion once filled with child's fuss and life had died out, only the ghost of memories stayed haunting. I didn't reckon this house as my home anymore, but something kept me here to stay.

After I'd fed my pet I went out of the house to bring in the newspapers, which were of course crowded in my mailbox on the gate, and something caught my eyes. On the streets many colorful little lamps lit above on the stores. The whole city gleamed and paraded in the decorations. The snow fell more and more frequently, big noises and laugh were heard everywhere as people were on the hurry to take their packages with presents home before they got soaked. I took a last look at the outside world before I started back to my house.

It was Christmas, which meant a big fuss and ado every year. Every house were decorated, excluding mine, I didn't bother to put up any places all sorts of kitsch. What was the use of it? What was the worth of this false meetings? All this was good only to lavish one other with insignificant presents, as if this would make the world better. We regret all bad things on this one event what we've done before we start a new next year. Insincerity. Greediness. Money. Vanity. What do they know about true happiness? Yeah, like I would do, but even if I have my own fortune to fall into line among the other rich people, I don't want to. You can't buy happiness for money. Neither true smile and friends... of course you can, but they'll never last long.

Till you haven't learnt to appreciate what you have you will never be happy, and when you lose it, it's not sure if you can bring it back again. The past can never be taken back. That, I learnt from my own faults. I could never tell _him_ that how much he meant to me, how much I missed his presence, when he wasn't beside me. I hated myself for it, but now, slowly, I can give in that I **need** him. Nothing on this world could be the best present than that he was here now. That he would knock on my door now, bursting in like a tornado with his always smiling face as he used to. It wouldn't annoy me, not at all... Not anymore. All the gleaming lamps in the city couldn't shine as beautiful as he would, if he was here.

_'I miss you and I wish you would be here.'_

Though I don't know what would I do if he would show up right now from nowhere. Could I really tell him what I missed so long? Could I hug him and tell _stay here, I need you?_ Was there still left so much emotions in me to have the courage to do it?... I don't know. Maybe, I wasn't enough important for him to wish such a gift for myself. I'm lonely, and I'll always be alone, because I can't be... social. They would never accept me - the world. Still, sometimes even we, who are anti-social wish someone, even if it seems we don't want to, but to get a little touch of affection. To be told that we are not all alone...

To be feel loved.

I think I drank a little too much from my wine, because my head was fuzzy and something must irritate my eyes 'cause tears sat on the corner of them. Yeah the cold must have nipped my eyes when I went out, that must be the reason - I tried to convince myself of it. I still felt the pang in my chest and decided to go to bed, even if it was early, to sleep out this mess. Tomorrow everything would be better. I got up from my armchair beside the fireplace and walking out from the living room I made my way up to the stairs, when suddenly I heard a knock on my door. I turned around with a frown. Who could that be?... And on my front door? If it was something chorus who wanted to make caterwaul at my house well then they get something they'll never forget. I walked straight to the door and when I ripped it open to shout out some not very nice comments the words suddenly caught, then swallowed back in my throat.

_He_ was here.

He was standing in my doorway and smiled at me the way he always did, melting the ice in my heart again. Takao Kinomiya was here. He was twenty years old now, but hadn't changed at all. His midnight blue hair hung long over his shoulder, the light which came from the house palely lit some bangs, while on his tanned cheeks could still seen some naughty freckles. His mahogany eyes shone brightly, deepened into my own crimson ones, as we were almost equally high now. I blinked dumbly at him, trying to figure if I saw clearly or the wine had upset me that badly. I think he saw the confusion on me because he tilted his head slightly, smiling more nicely at me.

"Merry Christmas, Kai." he said. I didn't know what to say. For choice I would have grabbed him and hug him tight, telling him all those things I haven't done till now. But I couldn't do it. My hand was still squeezing the door frame while the other one twitched imperceptibly on my side as it hung. The words lost on my tongue as I stared at him.

"Takao... What are you doing here?"

"I thought it would be a nice surprise if I broke my travels a bit to come home to my family, and to you. I was planning to go home first, but after my plane had arrived a bit earlier I thought I came to visit you before I go to Gramps." he laughed a bit and some snow fell from his long black coat. It came as a shock for me then he suddenly hugged me and I could feel the cold wet on his hair. "I missed you, Kai."

My eyes went wider, and the distressing pain in my chest let up. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, and so much feelings were swirling inside me that it scared me. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to get hurt again. But he was here, then I **did** mean something to him. He didn't forget me. Perhaps he could be the first one, who beside I can be myself again. I loosely let one arm to curl around his shoulder to hold him a bit and return finally _this_ affection. I felt that he jerked slightly by my sudden came touch. Yeah, he sure wasn't expecting it from me, but then I felt that him smile even brighter above my shoulder.

He pulled away and looked worried at me. "Kai? Something's wrong?" he asked and I saw how his brown orbs went wider. Tiny beads were dancing in my eyes, but not tears, yet, and I was smiling. Smiling so happily as I'd never done it in my entire life, or maybe when my parents were still alive.

"Kai... Hey, don't this to me, it scares me, do you hear that? I came here from far to make a great Christmas evening to you and you greet me with the weirdest face I've ever seen on you. What happened?... Oh wait, I know. You're freaked out because I didn't send you any call that I come. I know you hate if someone blows in without a word. Okay-okay I'll give next time a call, I promise... Oh, hey, you haven't decorated the house yet... and there is no Christmas tree? Geez, Kai, where do you live? What kind of Christmas is if there is no Christmas tree?... I guess I've come just in the right time to set you up a bit." he grabbed his suitcase which stood beside his leg and I invited him in without a word, still smiling.

I think I scared him a bit that's why he started babbling all over, to divert the attention from the subject. He was confused. Yeah, he's really changed, and got more mature. Formerly he would have asked me instantly what was wrong, and he hadn't left me alone till I didn't tell him.

_'God, I missed you.'_

"My word, what a mess! I think you really should find now a housemate, pal." Yeah, what he called a mess was my overdone tidy. Way too clean and it was like the royal suite which were exhibited in museums. Unlike his room which looked like everything found a new place for itself everyday. Takao could hardly keep in mind where had he put things last time before he searched them a new.

"I think I stay here for a few days to bring you back into shape. You've got very out of my hand... What happened, don't tell me you got back to your old lonely self again."

He winked playfully at me, and the smile drooped a little from my face. I thought everything was alright, that I could manage alone, I didn't need no one, but when you appeared in my door that was when I finally realized... _I missed you. I need you by my side. I need your friendship, that you make my days_ _better and that I realize over and over again, I'm not alone. The world is not so cruel as I thought... How do you do that? How do you manage to make vanish those bad thoughts from my head and that I don't have a prejudice against the world?_

I wanted so badly to tell you, but I think I'm still not good enough about these emotional things.

You walked slowly to me, took my hand reassuringly, and sent me another of those cheerful smiles. "Kai, what is it?"

Yeah, everything was alright now. I was sure it would be. Even we weren't kids anymore and we may had our own ways in life, but we would always have each other. _Just stay with me, and don't leave me alone, Takao._ That's the only thing I needed. Then I gave him a small squeeze with my own hand.

"Nothing, Takao." I looked at him, then I said something what I'd never done before. "It's good you're here."

His smile was like it came from the sun and I knew that it was no need to tell more, he understood it anyway. He always did. I could clearly see the comforting words in his eyes, which told me: _You'll tell me when you're ready. Till then I'll be here with you when you need me._

One day, maybe I'll be also able to find my place on this world... After for a long time my first wish has just come true on this Christmas Eve.

* * *

**If you like it please leave a review for me. Thanks. :) *waves***

**(Dedicated to my best friend)  
**


End file.
